I need to evangelize my heart, to open up the sinews and fibers along the blushing hallways of varicose and red and shovel them into a box for display. The inside of my chest and upper stomach is constantly flying away from the rest of my body and then switching, in an instant, to sinking like a millstone hung over it and into the depths of the sea. It's an empty street with cars passing by but not seeing what's on the sidewalk. The trees that line a median built into the road-- red leaves that sparkle and dance in the sunlight, they spin like tops and glisten with white that twinkles like your brightest star. I want to feel the heat wash over my face and pop my veins and arteries with brute force as the radiation fills my skull and starts to burn holes into the front of my head. They're black and burnt and measurements of gore come flying out from them and are sucked into the air where they linger like dew drops suspended in a world without gravity or time. My eyelids are melted away into a thick and coagulated goop that sloshes down my face like tears and stains my clothes. My eyeballs roll out and hit the floor and now I am just some blind thing, some nothing nowhere to receive pity dollars on the side of the road resting next to the dancing trees. It's like I'm inside of a dream. I can't tell where anything ends anymore, time seems to just go on forever in a heat wave. I was together with an angel in the beginning of the world and the fragment of my heart that can detect the echoes of Heaven begs to be returned to her. It's not like blue skies and white clouds or gates of gold, no, it's something else. There's dark and there are shooting stars blasting and roaring in every direction. Below your feet, above your head, across the infinity of an open void. Balls of raging hot flame penetrate through the sky like bullets and every second your hearing is gone and your eyes are squinting from the luminescence beyond your comprehension. It's not painful but it's like falling. You're in a constant free fall that never takes you to the ground but fills your blood with the sensation of terminal velocity and the gasping dragging feeling of standing at the very very edge of a cliff and looking down, like you can barely just balance where you are. Her body is coated in rusty red armor that flashes and glows in the reflection of the chaos around you. Red, almost a pink. It's like frozen blood encases her as she stands next to you and touches your neck with her razor cold hands. Her hair a forest fire to shroud your fainting heart from the particles of toxic halogens that rain from the tails of the stars that pass across every inch of your sky. It's terrifying, it's the most terrified I've ever been. I'm in love. From the little rays left behind in the black nothing that sparkle for an instant before dying off forever, she reaches out and forms a crown like a wreath. It's like a vine and for leaves are bulbs of light, brighter than a star--formed, themselves, from the stars-- that ungulate a yellowy-orange light and coats your face in that same radiated heat that is almost unbearable and causes sickness. And like a fever dream, she places the crown on my head to bathe me in a sugar light of hard heat and vibrating agony. It's a perfect scene, at the end of all of time, to last forever inside of a weary and weightless heart.
Fainting/Christmas in August
Fainting/Christmas in August
Fainting/Christmas in August
I need to evangelize my heart, to open up the sinews and fibers along the blushing hallways of varicose and red and shovel them into a box for display. The inside of my chest and upper stomach is constantly flying away from the rest of my body and then switching, in an instant, to sinking like a millstone hung over it and into the depths of the sea. It's an empty street with cars passing by but not seeing what's on the sidewalk. The trees that line a median built into the road-- red leaves that sparkle and dance in the sunlight, they spin like tops and glisten with white that twinkles like your brightest star. I want to feel the heat wash over my face and pop my veins and arteries with brute force as the radiation fills my skull and starts to burn holes into the front of my head. They're black and burnt and measurements of gore come flying out from them and are sucked into the air where they linger like dew drops suspended in a world without gravity or time. My eyelids are melted away into a thick and coagulated goop that sloshes down my face like tears and stains my clothes. My eyeballs roll out and hit the floor and now I am just some blind thing, some nothing nowhere to receive pity dollars on the side of the road resting next to the dancing trees. It's like I'm inside of a dream. I can't tell where anything ends anymore, time seems to just go on forever in a heat wave. I was together with an angel in the beginning of the world and the fragment of my heart that can detect the echoes of Heaven begs to be returned to her. It's not like blue skies and white clouds or gates of gold, no, it's something else. There's dark and there are shooting stars blasting and roaring in every direction. Below your feet, above your head, across the infinity of an open void. Balls of raging hot flame penetrate through the sky like bullets and every second your hearing is gone and your eyes are squinting from the luminescence beyond your comprehension. It's not painful but it's like falling. You're in a constant free fall that never takes you to the ground but fills your blood with the sensation of terminal velocity and the gasping dragging feeling of standing at the very very edge of a cliff and looking down, like you can barely just balance where you are. Her body is coated in rusty red armor that flashes and glows in the reflection of the chaos around you. Red, almost a pink. It's like frozen blood encases her as she stands next to you and touches your neck with her razor cold hands. Her hair a forest fire to shroud your fainting heart from the particles of toxic halogens that rain from the tails of the stars that pass across every inch of your sky. It's terrifying, it's the most terrified I've ever been. I'm in love. From the little rays left behind in the black nothing that sparkle for an instant before dying off forever, she reaches out and forms a crown like a wreath. It's like a vine and for leaves are bulbs of light, brighter than a star--formed, themselves, from the stars-- that ungulate a yellowy-orange light and coats your face in that same radiated heat that is almost unbearable and causes sickness. And like a fever dream, she places the crown on my head to bathe me in a sugar light of hard heat and vibrating agony. It's a perfect scene, at the end of all of time, to last forever inside of a weary and weightless heart.